1. Always have a back up meal, something that can be made quickly and easily and you know the kiddo will scoff. Mine is a peanut butter sandwich.
2. Hope that your child takes to one particular television show. Then hope that many, many episodes have been made. There are 5 seasons of Peppa Pig, I can recite the script of every episode, but it has allowed me to pee, make dinner, make phone calls, clean my house etc.
3. Try to find a song/ story book that relaxes them. For some reason, The Wheels on The Bus has the same effect on Mia as Handel’s Water Music has on others.
4. Always carry snacks. There is a reason why mums’ handbags are full of raisins.
5. Be prepared to make an idiot of yourself in public. You will find yourself singing The Wheels on the Bus very loudly in Tesco.
6. Grocery shop online. It’s not worth having that many people hear your rendition of The Wheels on the Bus.
7. If they’re having a tantrum, speak to them like a caveman; Mia angry, Mia hurt etc. It gets their attention long enough for them to stop screaming and you can then explain why they can’t have the biscuit now but perhaps they can have it after dinner.
8. Moan. A lot. Toddlers are a pain in the backside and letting off some steam will ultimately make you a better parent!
9. If there’s something they really hate, and in this house that thing is nail cutting, do it the same times (e.g. every Friday morning) it seems to cause less aggravation.
10. Try and anticipate what they’ll go for and find a distraction quickly. I spend about 85% of the time looking for things to distract her!
1. If in doubt, scream, that always gets their attention.
2. Try not to let on if you’re pooing, probably a good idea to hide to do it. If they find out they change your nappy which is clearly a waste of your time as well as being cold.
3. Try to learn pointing ASAP. Especially if you’re an only child. That way you get what you want quicker.
4. Don’t eat anything icky looking. Chances are there’ll be a peanut butter sandwich later anyway.
5. Sometimes Grown Ups do important things when you’re asleep. Don’t let this happen, if in doubt, stay awake.
6. Demand the same show over and over again. I love Daddy Pig being silly on the ice rink and I will watch it many more times.
7. Always have a back up super cute smile you can pull out if you’ve done something bad.
8. If you’ve done something awful cuddles and kisses are usually a winner.